After welcoming a new nephew and watching my amazing friends adopt a beautiful baby girl in the last few weeks, I’ve been realizing that we’re really not dealing with baby years around here any more. How is it that I have three children who aren’t babies already? We were cleaning out some old boxes the other day and found a graduation cap and gown. It actually crossed my mind that we should save it in case we have homeschool graduation in a few years. I might be jumping ahead a bit.
When Lola was born I thought like any reasonable human being she would go to sleep when she was tired. I had no idea how many naps a day a baby should have or how many hours of sleep she should be getting at night. We just kind of went wherever and did whatever and prayed that she would sleep at night. She didn’t. We tried many different techniques to get her to sleep including bouncing, sitting silently next to her crib, and playing gentle music in her bedroom. Nothing seemed to work and when she was about six months old she was averaging seven hours of sleep a day. Total. Naps and all. I knew that even I needed more sleep than that and something had to be done.
I read tons of books at that time, but the one I really recommend is Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber. Yes, this is the controversial “cry it out” guy, but let me tell you why I love it. This book is full of scientific research on how babies and people of all ages sleep and how much sleep they need. I found that once I was familiar with my baby’s sleep rhythms and needs they didn’t need to cry it out. I was able to give them what they needed when they needed it and we were all a lot happier and well rested.
Now I’m certainly not a doctor, so if you have concerns about your baby’s development I would urge you to turn to a trusted professional. But from one mom to another (or dad, or grandma, or whoever you may be), here are seven ways to get a baby to sleep that worked for me. I highly recommend following these tips from birth for the best results, an older child will definitely require some special attention if other habits have been formed.
1. Keep it dark.
This is a great tip for babies who have their days and nights mixed up. It’s also a hard one for new parents who might not yet be comfortable changing and feeding a baby in the dark. I like to keep a dim night light on hand and turn it on just when I’m up with the baby for a little light to get around with. Lamps, overhead lights, and electronic screens all emit too much light to keep a baby (or possibly you) in the sleep zone. As soon as light hits the back of the retinas all bets are off and you might want to be prepared to stay up for a while. Room darkening shades are great for daytime naps because the darkness will help signal that it’s time for sleep.
2. No talking.
Of course you can’t help the shushing or the little “I love you”s as you deal with a fussy baby. But save the big lectures for daylight hours. Staying silent helps your baby understand this isn’t playtime. The night is a time for quiet and rest, and that doesn’t include talking or playing.
3. Swaddle.
Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle. My husband is a master swaddler and can wrap a baby up so tight and cozy that you’d think he worked in a Cuban cigar chop. Swaddling makes a baby feel secure like they’re back in the womb. There are special swaddle blankets you can buy but I’ve had the most success with a large, soft, stretchy blanket that will continue to work as the baby grows. As the child gets older they’ll begin to break out of the swaddle but will still appreciate the routine and warm comfort of the secure blanket.
4. Have a routine.
Some people call this a schedule. But for me, I found it much more helpful to follow a routine rather than a set time during the day. If the baby woke up at 8, I knew he would be ready for a nap two hours (or however long) later. I would generally let them get the sleep they needed, however long that may be, and follow a more strict awake time in between. This was really the trick for me in not needing to have them cry when they went to bed. Knowing how long they needed to be awake before being ready for a nap made sure I was putting them down at just the right time. I also have a physical and verbal routine with my kids. I tend to touch their face in the same way and say the same loving words each time I put them to bed. This lets them know no matter where we are that this is bed time and they can feel safe and confident that I’ll be just on the other side of the door, ready to come in when they wake up.
5. Blankie love.
Lots of babies love their blankies, but I found an extra trick that I think helped my kids settle from my arms into their bed. I would stretch a super soft baby blanket (similar to this Circo blanket) over the mattress so when I laid the baby down their head was resting on something soft. These blankets also don’t get cold like sheets do, so it wasn’t a shock for them to lay their head down in bed. Some may find this tip controversial because you’re not supposed to have loose bedding in with a small baby, but I found these blankets stick to the sheets and stay tight pretty well. If you’re swaddling well, by the time they’re old enough to pull the soft blanket to their face their also old enough to turn their head away from it or roll over if they need to. As my babies got older they loved these blankets and would find great comfort in them, pulling them to their noses and settling in for sleep. Of course if you’re uncomfortable with loose blankets in your baby’s bed do what makes you feel most comfortable.
6. Know the cry.
All babies are different, but I found that if my kids woke up crying it meant they were, in fact, not ready to wake up. They would often start crying about 45 minutes after falling asleep when I would expect them to sleep for two hours or more. This can be really disheartening, especially if you’re sleep deprived or dealing with other children. Yet, it’s hard to hear your baby cry and do nothing about it. If I knew they weren’t crying for another reason (illness or injury), I would set a timer for five minutes. This seems like an eternity when a baby is crying but it really isn’t that long. If the baby was still crying after five minutes I would go get him. More often than not the baby would stop crying in less than five minutes and settle back in to sleep for the expected amount of time.
7. Be constantly transforming.
Babies are constantly changing. What works one day might not work the next day. Try to roll with the punches and not get too frustrated when something works one day and not the next.
Of course everyone has different priorities in parenting, and I urge you to figure out what those are. As a stay at home mom, I was really ready for them to go to sleep when the time came. If you’re working outside the home or are trying to build attachment you might love that special time of rocking your baby to sleep or co-sleeping so you can be together. Please know that there’s nothing wrong with that! These tips are for those of us who need a little space, especially after a long day. What are some of your favorite tips for getting a baby to sleep?
Original article and pictures take theliveinkitchen.com site
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