Society shames women for not being sexy enough…And for being too sexy. Breast feeding moms shame those who bottle feed and bottle feeders shame breast feeders. Organic moms shame fast food moms. Working moms shame stay at home moms. Stay at home moms shame working moms. Women shame men and call them dumb. Men shame women and call them dumb…and weak. And we teach our children to do it.
We are not feminine enough, not smart enough, not masculine enough, not pretty enough, not fast enough, not friendly enough, not talented enough….or we are too much. This world is so full of comparing ourselves to others and putting people down for the way they look, act, and feel, it’s just exhausting!
Ladies and gentlemen! We are NOT HERE TO PUT EACH OTHER DOWN! We were put on this earth to LOVE! Everyone is doing the best they can. No one sets out in the morning and says, I think I’m going to totally suck today! NOONE… Even when you see someone who totally abandons their children, they aren’t choosing to be a loser. They are broken.
This world is full of brokenness. We are all walking around feeling pain and hurting in some way. We expect everyone to be nice to us 100% of the time, but are WE nice to them without fail? No. We expect others to meet our needs and fill the holes in our hearts that only God can fill. No one can do it. It’s not possible.
Let’s take a minute to think about how our life would change if we made a point of building everyone up. Did you know that the mom who can’t keep an eye on her kids could be overwhelmed because maybe she just can’t figure out how to make her minimum wage job pay her monthly bills? Did you know the guy who never talks to you really thinks that no one would ever want to hear what he has to say? Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, that woman who snapped your head off for asking how many KIDS she has wanted to be a mother since she was 5, but hasn’t been able to? Or maybe your waitress forgot your mustard because she is juggling three jobs to support her kids and she was up late last night working another job?
What if you made a point of every time you ordered something to eat or purchased food at the grocery store to try to make that person’s day who is serving you? What if you went out of your way to REALLY ask them how they were and to freakin say please and thank you? They are SERVING you! Give them some props. Smile at them. Look them in the eye so they know you see they are a human being. And for goodness sake, when you get great service, TELL ON THEM! We are a society who constantly complains that everything was not good enough, but how many of us go out of our way to mention that someone is doing an excellent job to their superiors? And what if we taught our children to treat people with grace and to appreciate their efforts? Wouldn’t we be proud of them when they did it?
I do it occasionally. Recently my husband was out buying lumber for our garden expansion, the lady helping him at the lumber yard used to work at our bank. She said, “Oh my gosh I know you! Your wife wrote a letter to my boss when I worked at the bank and I got a big bonus and a raise for that. Thank you so much”
It made us feel so good that something good happened to her because we told that she was nice to us. She was ALWAYS doing a good job. She should have been rewarded for it.
Maybe we could look for ways to brighten other people’s day. I have a friend who has totally changed the way I see myself since she has been my friend. She tells everyone how great she thinks I am. And other people like me more because of her. I am very shy and I am hard for people to get to know because of that. She has shown them the good in me and they in turn reach out to me because they know I am good.
Next time you see a mom with a toddler melting down in the grocery store, maybe you could go over to her and say, I know just how you feel, I’m sorry you’re having a hard day. Because believe me, that mom FEELS everyone’s judgement. I have been that mom MANY times. Everyone hates you when your toddler screams through the grocery store. Why doesn’t she just take that kid home? Other customers have even told me that before. Well, who is going to buy food for my family to eat? If I take her home, then I can’t feed her. Maybe you could entertain the baby while she pays for her groceries. Maybe you could just give her a hug or high five and tell her she’s doing fine.
People are just doing the best they can. Give them a hand when you see they need it. You will be so glad you did 90% of the time. Making someone else’s day makes yours too. Everyone could use encouragement.
A big thing I see people doing, especially women, is comparing themselves to other people. There are people I know that ABSOLUTELY HATE me and wish me ill will because I do my best at my job with my kids. I mean HATE me. What? All I am doing is being the best me I can be. I am not talented at fixing cars or computers or making homemade furniture and when I see people who are, I do not get mad at them. I usually ask them to help ME! I am just being who God made me to be and giving my best effort. I am not perfect. I have bad days. Some days I absolutely suck at my job. But most days I do my best to be awesome. Why would someone dislike me for that? Because they feel insecure. They are focusing on what I’m good at instead of stepping into the role of being THEM. I’m sure those ladies are great at something. I would probably know what it is if they would give me a chance to get to know them, but they hate me because so and so said I am awesome. Wow. I will never understand that.
I know a young lady who is absolutely breath-takingly beautiful. She’s good at hair and make-up. She’s a prima ballerina. She is also extremely smart. She was born to be lovely. I am not lovely. But when I see her, I am so happy for her that she has all of those wonderful talents. She is beautifying the world in her way and I am in mine. I can’t compare myself to her. I can only appreciate what she has. She could be stuck up and think she’s better than everyone else, but she DOESN’T! She’s happy when her friends succeed. She comforts them when they don’t. And she doesn’t rub her successes in anyone’s face or say look at me. And you know what else? She loves me fiercely. I mean a lot! She sees that I am not lovely, that I need to lose weight, and that I don’t even wear make-up, much less know how to do it perfectly, but she loves me anyway. Just the way I am. She loves me. She’s doing her and I’m doing me and we can be happy for each other.
I am never going to be the best child care provider in the world. There will always be someone better. I am never going to be the best cook. There will always be someone better at that too. But I can be a great provider and a great cook and I can be okay with not being a great painter or dancer. I can open my heart and love people. I can be a loyal friend and support other women.
It’s tough not to feel inadequate in this world that worships the Steven Tylers, Oprah Winfreys, and Michael Jordans. It’s tough not to feel ugly in a world with magazines and movies full of painted, fake women with perfect bodies and faces. It’s tough to have people say things like, “your mom and your sister are so talented, what happened to you?” Well guess what happened to me, old boss? I FOUND my talents. I love myself and what God gave me. I love my life.
Please do not let people put you down. I have a 3 year old telling me, I don’t want my belly to grow but it is. Well honey, you are going to get taller and your belly will be fine. She’s not overweight. I have had children say, I’m the prettiest one in here and those girls are not pretty. I’m talking children 4 years old and under. I hate to see women hurting other women and themselves like that. I don’t look glamorous, but there is a lot more to people than their looks. And I have a beautiful smile that can make people happy. And I have a whole slew of people in my life that love me madly. What more could I ask for?
Don’t compare yourself to other people. You might not be as good at getting good grades in school as other people, but you might be great at making people feel accepted. You might be a great encourager who can set people at ease. You might give the best hugs in the world. You might make your friend feel a whole bunch less like a freak by just accepting them the way they are and telling them they are valuable. Maybe no one ever told them that before. Don’t think that because you are not just like Peyton Manning, you are not a valuable part of the team. He could never win any games by himself. He needs the rest of the players.
I hate seeing people looking at other people and remarking on how they are doing everything wrong. Just look at her ugly shoes, just look at how awful her kid’s hair looks, doesn’t she ever brush it, she’s horrendous at teaching (if she even knows what that word means). If you find yourself thinking or saying something like that about someone, and you know we all do at times, try to turn it around. Try to find something about her outfit you do like. Try to show her some great tip that can help her teaching. Try to change the way you see your fellow man. I always pray that I can see others through the eyes of Jesus and I know He thinks I’m beautiful, and talented, and delightful. He thinks those things about those pathetic people also. Ask Him to help you see them that way too.
Women especially can be very catty, standing in judgement of each other. That is bullying, and it has to stop! We are teaching our children to be cruel as well. I’m not perfect, I am guilty of it too. But let’s try to accept those who aren’t like us. Let’s try to include the child who talks funny, or the woman who dresses funny, or the ones that don’t fit in. Let’s stop shaming people for their choices, or their beliefs, or their short comings. How much better could the world be if we HELPED one another instead of hurting one another? Maybe you could be the person who helped heal that broken heart.
Just because people don’t do things the way you think they should does not mean they are doing it wrong. We are all on a path to a somewhere and no one’s path will look the same. It’s okay for moms to work outside the home and for them not to. It’s okay for moms to breast feed and bottle-feed. It’s okay for people to make their own choices even if they differ from yours. We need to learn to accept each other and see them through more loving and less judgmental eyes. Let’s teach the next generation to embrace other people’s differences and to love everyone in spite of their flaws. Let’s stop all the bullying. Let’s change the world!
Original article and pictures take littlesproutslearning.co site
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